I accidentally rolled through a stop sign this week,
distracted by the cacophony of voices in my head. I can’t even recall what those voices were
shouting about. Usually there are a
chorus of naggers forging a long chain of things to be done, and at least one
voice on a soap box waxing poetic about some atrocity or act of social
lunacy. After rolling through the stop
sign a man waggled his finger at me and gave me the evil neighborhood watch eye
which stirred up a whirlpool of guilt and fear in my belly and birthed yet
another voice in my head. Yikes.
That’s when I realized that I am often my own biggest
distraction- often, not always. I reminded myself that
the crazier life gets the more conscientious I need to be about managing my
inner voices. And thus the inner
dialogue continued. But something else
happened, an incident which compelled me to dig out a notebook and pen from
under the piles of our current household projects and put my thoughts on paper
for public presentation. And when I had
finished writing what needed to be shared, I continued to write in my
head. I witnessed flashes of thought and
caught myself mentally editing, a practice I try to discourage. Editing should be a tangible process. But the point is that while writing often
serves a public purpose, it holds a more personal worth. And this week that worth made itself known to
me.
I write to tame the unruly, subdue the wild, untangle the
angry knots of thought that threaten to choke out reason. It unnerves me to angry tears when I am
unable to articulate my beliefs or make my point known, when I lose an argument
because the words are turned against me.
But pen and paper give me the opportunity to unleash all my verbal
beasts, to cull out the ineffective rash emotive creatures, and quell the
others into reasonable order.
My visual expressions (and vocal expression) lag behind the written word- but I enjoy
both processes. And so the art of controlling
words became the inspiration for this ATC. It is the equivalent of a brief
free-writing session- unedited and imperfect.
But I believe the exercise retains value in itself.
May clarity be with you-
Renee
